Saturday, November 1, 2008

ACT NATURAL

I've discovered yet another essential secret to acting.

Two words. Too simple.

I need to pad it out into at least 100 pages so I can write and publish and e-book and sell it to actors, who will, apparently, buy anything (I know I have) that promises to help them be a better actor, or, better yet, get work.

But I believe in putting things out into the universe and then having them return tenfold. Or, as a large stack of ten's folded (but not in numerical order so they can be traced).

So I'm putting this out to the actors of the world. Don't thank me. Just send money.




I'm serious.

OK, now that you've sent me money. You have sent me money, haven't you?

Listen--this is like therapy--it doesn't work unless you've paid for it.

OK, now that you've really sent me the ... wait a second, you still haven't.

One more chance...

OK, you now either have, or you're just trying to cheat me, in which case your Karma is going to be really bad, which doesn't hurt me but means my advice will not work for you.

Here goes:

ACT NATURAL.

That's it.

That's all you have to do to be a good actor. Once again, I'm not talking "Streep" or "Blanchett" or those brilliant creatures who disappear into countless characters unlike them.

I'm talking normal actors, like 99.9% of us, who are playing ourselves, believably, in unbelievable situations.

You don't have to come up with outrageous, surprising, or even deeply felt actions and reactions. You just have to be yourself, as if it's really happening to you, so people believe you.

Easier said than done, I know (even though I am a master at this, just see my oeuvre. Don't know what my oeuvre is? Think it's a body part, like that little thing that hangs down in the back of your mouth? Ha--you are so bourgeois.

Oh--and while you're looking up those words, remember that the more interesting you are as a person, the more interesting you will be on-screen. Look at Christopher Walken--could he be more interesting to watch? And yet he's pretty much the same in almost all the things he does and you don't care because he's interesting, eccentric, even.

So, ACT NATURAL, look up French words, be interesting, and while you're at it, develop some eccentricities. And one or two juicy peccadilloes. Oh, please, just go look it.

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