Re-animated, A re-actor's life

Last week I was cast in two lead roles in two feature films. This is not normal and I couldn't be happier about it.

This story really starts four months ago, give or take 40 years.

I started acting when I was a kid--I just wanted to do it. I wanted people to look at me--at least when I was on stage. Off stage I wished they'd stop looking at me.

Why did I act as a kid? I didn't have grand desires, I just wanted to be loved by everyone in the world. That's all.

When I got older I moved to LA. I tried to work as an actor. But I had a little problem. I hated rejection. I hated it so much I couldn't put myself in the position to get it, which made it nearly impossible to go to auditions, which made it nearly impossible to get work as an actor.

I have pretty good people skills, though, so one gofer job would lead to meeting casting people which lead to me getting extra work, which lead to meeting more people on the set which lead to me hamming it up so much I met a director who wrote a part for me.

And then I had to audition for the famous Roger Corman. In his office, with its shag carpet deep enough to lose a cat in. You can read about my audition here. It's full of useful tips for when you audition for a major movie producer. Make notes.

I managed to get through this audition by arriving dressed like the character and acting like the character the entire time. That way they just thought I was the character and wouldn't have to act. I highly recommend it, except when you are trying to get the part of a serial killer, in which case they will avoid casting you if they think they might actually kill them.

It's said of movies that like this, "It wasn't released, it escaped." Very few people saw it which was at once a blessing and a curse. But for me it meant I failed to get my expected Oscar nod, and my phone didn't ring, except when the call was from a telemarketer.

I switched to writing, something I could do by myself, and something where rejections only arrived by letter, not in person.

That worked for me for many years. I wrote many books which sold hundreds of thousands of copies and countless magazine articles. I was busy. During this time I also became a professional graphic designer, designed many logos and books and later web sites which you can see here.

Clients came to me. I could write and design, by myself, in my little office, without having to go out into the world and have people look at me funny, say "no" or reject me. It worked great for many years.

One day in 2005, my friend, Jeanne C. Davis (go look at her photo, she's lovely) who I'd met in a writing class, emailed to say she'd written a part for me in her movie. No audition. This is what I'd been waiting for! Read about my experiences on this movie, and my many brilliant insights about acting here.

I made the movie. I had a great time. It was a totally different experience then I'd ever had. It felt different. I didn't perform, I let go of my ego, lost myself and "acted." I loved it.

The movie premiered at the Santa Barbara film festival and was well received. Again, few people saw it. And again the phone didn't ring... oh, wait, maybe I had the ringer off... nope, it's on. Oh, well.

Now, if this blog was a bad movie, this would be the part where the screen gets all wavy and there's kind of wavy violin music, you'd see a montage of me designing web sites, working for dot com companies, mostly without ever leaving my room, and if it was a very bad movie, you'd see calendar pages flying across the screen to show you that the year is now 2007.

May, 2007.

My birthday is coming up. I'm about to turn one of those pivotal ages. In the past I'd tell you what it was (30, 40, that kind of thing) but now, being an actor, I must resist so I'm not typecast as a certain age, especially when I've recently learned I can look 10 years younger by shaving.

And I was having a mid-life crisis, the kind you hear about but never believe until you experience it yourself (and if this is my mid-life, I'm going to live to be a century old... whoops, gave it away to anybody with a modicum of math skills).

I didn't want to spend the years I had left doing just what I'd been doing all these years. I wanted them to be more interesting and better. Why not? What could I do about it?

So I was whining on the phone to my friend Karen Linden (who worked with me in the movie, two years previous) and she said, "What do you want to do?"

I'd been asking myself that question for at least 10 years and never had a good answer. Well, I did have an answer, but I didn't like the answer. The answer always was, "I want to act." But that answer wasn't realistic, wasn't a way to make a living, wasn't... blah blah blah.

As an aside, Octogenarian Actress/Writer Ruth Gordon once said, “Get the knack of getting people to help you and also pitch in yourself. A little money helps, but what really gets it right is to never ... I repeat, never, under any conditions, face facts.” ~ Ruth Gordon

A year ago I started singing again, first with a barbershop chorus, then a quartet. I didn't expect to make a living at it, I was doing it because it was fun, and I loved doing it. Period. Life lesson alert--that's the best reason to do something.

Bingo.

Why not do the same thing with acting--do it because I wanted to do it, without expectations for what might happen. I couldn't have seen then that four months later I'd have lead roles in two movies. Yet if I hadn't taken that leap into the "blah blah blah," if hadn't stopped facing facts and trying to be realistic, I never would have.

While we were talking I Googled and found an interesting film school in San Francisco that offered acting classes where you got to appear in student films--so it was real experience, not just classroom work.

Two weeks later there was I, twice as old as anyone else in the class... but with way more experience, too.

A few days later I was at my first audition, carrying a head shot I dug up from my hard disk and a resume (all real) I'd pulled together--and doing a monologue I wrote myself. All in three days.

The acting class was excellent, the best I've ever had. Thanks Hester Schell. I learned tools and techniques, but more importantly, felt confident that I could act--I knew how to do it.

And I saw everything differently--how I approached it (from the inside), how I looked at auditions (fun--a chance to perform!), and how I know I can only do my best, and other people make the casting decisions for so many reasons (they have something in mind, or they hate that you look like the guy who sold them that lemon of a Volvo) and all that's beyond my control. Which suddenly makes it so much easier and more pleasant.

Now all I have to do is go to as many auditions as there are parts that fit my type. It's like those ugly guys who manage to get dates with attractive girls. They do it by asking 500 girls, and then maybe 5 say yes. So now that I could stand going to auditions, and actually found them fun, I could go to many auditions and possibly get a few parts.

But, surprise, I got cast in a lot of parts. I got in four short films in about six weeks. Characters ranging from an insane man who thought he was an actor (what I pretty much thought I was just four months ago), to mob killer named "The Butcher," to a Barista, and finally the head of a film school!

Then I heard about an audition for a film that was a parody of dance reality shows, like Dancing with the Stars and So you think you can dance.

I Googled the director--and he turned out to be a former US Latin Dance champion Tytus Bergstrom. Good, someone who knew what they were doing. I submitted my headshot and resume and wrote a note saying I had a dance background myself, and he invited me to audition.

I went to the audition (dressed in a suit, right for the character) and just let go. My character was having a melt-down, so I had a melt-down. I was in a little room having a holding-nothing-back childlike tantrum, complete with screaming. When it was over I was exhausted. The director said, "That's just what we needed," and I left, a little dizzy, wondering if he was being serious--but knowing I had done everything I possibly could, with no ego involved, no concern about how I looked or sounded.

I got a call back for a second audition where I had to melt down again. And finally a third, this one in an even smaller room. And again, I just let go, let fly, and tried not to think about how much I really wanted this part now! More about that later.

Between that first and last audition I was offered another part, by Celik Kayalar, the head of the acting program at the San Francisco Digital Film School. He'd seen me give several auditions for the student directors, watched me in class and on the set--but I'd never auditioned specifically for his film, Moonlight Sonata.

Still, I was right for the part (the description said Bob was "Cute and cuddly"), and in casting that's half the battle right there.

He'd seen I could act, I fit the part, and I got the part. That's how this stuff works. If I'd been the greatest actor he'd ever seen and looked like Brad Pitt, I wouldn't have gotten the part, because I wouldn't have fit the role. Then again, if I looked like Brad Pitt I would be offered parts I never will be looking like me. That's how it works...

And so now, just a few months after I made the decision, I am a paid working actor.

That's an unusual thing in the life of most actors. But I made a decision, followed through, gave it my all, and it's working for me...

Read on about the filming of Moonlight Sonata...